Jealousy

I have a confession: I used to be a VERY jealous person. It peaked when I was 16 or 17. If one of my male friends mentioned that another girl was cute, I’d flinch.  Becoming less jealous is one of the ways in which dancing helped me grow up.

That's not to say I don't get a little disappointed when I see other girls having great nights while I'm walking around with one wrinkled ten dollar bill in my garter. That's also doesn't mean I don't still get jealous of people my age who have great "regular" jobs or more success in other areas of life. We all feel it. But I think I can say I'm a lot less jealous than many. I don’t feel the need to put that “equal to or greater than” sign between myself and others the way some girls do.

Why, when I ask "was it good last night," a simple yes or no question, do some girls feel the need to go "I made 417 dollars," or alternately "well I did the best out of all the girls that were here..."

Why do some girls count their money noisily in front of me? I was taught counting money in the open is like asking to get robbed anyway... and the $500 you're flashing (half of which you probably brought from home for all I know) doesn't make my $150 worth any less... just like my $150 isn't worth any more on a night when every other girl made 20 or 30. Nope, it’s the same 150 dollars American.

It seems like the ones who try their hardest to make others jealous are the most insecure and deeply unhappy, the most jealous girls of all. They think you have something they don't, and since they can't figure out how to be like you, they try to make you be like them. But it won't work. I have something their 417, ten thousand, or even a million dollars could never buy: the freedom that comes from not giving a shit. There are so many things that may never let me go, so many things I have to care about. Thank God a bitch and her money ain't one of them.